What She's not telling you


How many times a day do we use them to skate issues, avoid confrontation and just get by?

I’m reading What She’s not Telling You, an insiders book by women about women and why they hide the whole truth.  The book specifically targets marketers, but is much more broadly applicable. 

Ask a question.

Good intentions, approval seeking, martyrdom, ego protection and secret keeping are all self-validating reasons a woman may state a half-truth.  While not all of these reasons will apply to your sex life, the underlying issues are worth exploring.

How many times have you used half-truths in the bedroom?

How does that feel,” your partner asks.

You respond, “fine,” as your mind considers a laundry list, work responsibilities, kids or even sleep.

Refrain from celebrating a response that falls in line exactly as you think it should.

Regardless of the reason, you’ve more than likely just been dished a half-truth.  Your women’s clear communication was clouded when she said what she thought you wanted to hear (to shut you up) instead of what she actually wanted.

Partner:  “Our sex life is satisfying, right dear?”

Woman:  “It’s fine.”

Partner’s head:  “I didn’t even have to ask.  That magazine was so wrong.”

Woman:  “What sex life?  Who has time for a sex life?  Why did (partner) ask that?  I wonder if (partner) isn’t happy.  I have too much to get done to have this conversation. It isn’t even worth talking about.  Things won’t change.  It’s fine.  Once in a while I have an orgasm.  Thank god for vibrators.”

How do you differentiate between a whole truth and a half-truth?

Open lines of communication with your woman (Or man – this applies regardless of gender identification).  Learn to listen, really listen with all of your senses.  Take some time, outside of your day-to-day and be proactive.  Talk about your life, love, successes and failures. 

Relationships need nourishment and attention.  Establish intimacy that extends beyond physical.  Give her the space to open up and encourage her to be real with you, to share.  Be curious, inquisitive.  Try new things and create an atmosphere of exploration.

Intimacy is an adventure in pushing boundaries and limits and dreaming to be DesireBound.  Talk and Listen. Listen and Talk.  Open yourself and be opened.  Consider sharing a new experience like temperature play or exploring a new toy.